Ugh, four words I knew I would hear as a new therapist, but my goodness, so soon?! It happened so soon after I started working as a therapist that I didn't even have a chance to plan out a statement ahead of time to rebuttal.
For many young mental health professionals, we dread this kind of comment. We can feel the hair on our necks stand up as imposter syndrome starts to take over. We'e already spent so much time doubting ourselves, wondering if we're too young, too inexperienced to be effective. Then someone seemingly confirms our fears. The good news is that there are ways to redirect these kinds of comments that will empower you and help you develop into a more confident professional.
So how did my "you're so young" ordeal begin? I had what seemed like a smooth and productive intake with a new client, who was a minor. My client's mother was present for the intake as well and was pretty cooperative. I was feeling really optimistic about my ability to help this client. I was already brainstorming about all of the identity work we would do together and manifesting my hopes for her to flourish and find happiness and balance in her life. She was very insightful for her age and appeared to be invested in the idea of working towards change....woot woot!
Once the intake concluded, I asked her mother to sign some paperwork and as I approached her, she dropped the dreaded comment:
"Que jovencita tu eres," or "You're so young!"
I'm pretty sure I looked like a deer in headlights for a moment, and even though a flurry of negative thoughts were going through my mind, I managed to fake the funk and simply stated "Yes, I may look young. But you'll see that this is for the best and it will help **client** feel more comfortable opening up to me."
Maybe it wasn't perfect, but I was able to say it confidently and just saying it made me feel empowered and hushed the imposter syndrome. I was proud of myself for responding this way, rather than apologizing for my "young age," which would have been my knee-jerk reaction in the past.
Her mother immediately agreed with me and stated that she believed this would be for the best.
So what do you do when you are a relatively new, "young-faced" therapist at the receiving end of questions or comments about your age?
1. Stand your ground. Don't apologize for your age.
There is nothing to apologize for. Don't fall into that trap. In the same way that years of experiences provides "older" therapists certain advantages, being fresh out of school and a "younger" therapist also has its own advantages. So there is nothing to be sorry for.
2. Inquire as to where these questions/comments are coming from.
Open it up for conversation. Where is this curiosity coming from? Perhaps something about a young professional makes them feel negatively about themselves. This could be something to explore further. Is there a concern? Or perhaps you will learn that they actually feel positively about having a "young therapist." We won't know unless we question further.
3. Share your credentials.
This can help reassure your client, while also reminding imposter syndrome to back up. Soak it in as you proudly share your credentials with your client and take a second to reflect on how hard you worked your a*s off to get them. And how much you learned in the process. AND HOW CAPABLE AND WORTHY YOU ARE.
A final note- don't get backed into a corner and feel pressured to share your age with your client. If they explicitly ask, feel free to tell them you are old enough to be a Masters level clinician or let them know that this is a piece of information that is irrelevant to the therapeutic process.
So get out there and be your bada*s selves, young therapists. After reading this you can rest easy knowing you have an assertive response in your back pocket for whenever this moment presents itself in your career.
Your hustler,
Karina G.
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