I was 20 years old when I first saw a therapist. I still remember the agony I carried in my heart as I walked into my intake session. My therapist asked, “So tell me, what brings you here?” I answered in tears, “I think I am crazy.” She neither laughed, smirked, or told me I was wrong. She nodded with compassion. I do not recall much about the early stages of our sessions. I do remember feeling heard without being judged, which was a big motivation for me to continue attending therapy, given that my boyfriend at the time gaslighted me, even in my dreams. My despair grew to the extent that my behavior was erratic, and everyone around me thought I had gone round the twist.
After weeks of storytelling, the relief of being heard got old, and I could not help but feel that my therapist would not give me the answers I needed. My suffering endured despite our sessions. After a month of crying over the same problem, my therapist announced to me that we only had two sessions left as she got a job somewhere else. My heart dropped a little (more). Handling two breakups at once was not what I was going for. She transferred me to another therapist at the site who worked with trauma. I had to go through the pain of re-telling my story. I felt stuck. I worked with a second therapist for about seven months, and we went through my breakup together. I must say it was not easy for either of us. Three months after my breakup, I was finally stable, but needed some more healing work. I developed treatment fatigue (I think she did as well). I asked her for a break, knowing deep down that I did not want to be in therapy anymore. After a few months, I tried to go back for closure, but she had left the practice.
Five years later, it hit me. The work that I did with them not only saved me but transformed me.
I was so perplexed and disturbed by what I was going through at the moment that I could neither grasp nor comprehend its effect. I was emotionally and mentally, unable to appreciate my healing process. My positive emotions were utterly exhausted and overwhelmed by the pain I was going through. I was in survival mode, undoubtedly low in the hierarchy of needs. I was unable to see my progress in therapy when it was right in front of me. Unfortunately, growth is not always clear and tangible. Now that I am a professional in the mental health field, I recognize there is sometimes fear and frustration with not knowing if my client is appreciative of their work. Thus, I wonder if I (unintentionally) projected my discouragement onto my therapists. I wonder if they ever felt unappreciated or frustrated because of my inability to provide positive feedback.
Being a therapist is not easy nor is being a client. The client often feels as if the therapist must ameliorate their life through magic. Meanwhile, the therapist often worries that the client is not making progress despite their best efforts. We see the same issue from different perspectives. Nonetheless, we can choose to either build a bridge or a wall. Instead of worrying about what could be going wrong in therapy, both parties can get united to build a bridge to good outcomes in the therapy journey.
I invite you to drop the insecurities, defensiveness, discouragement, and frustration. Then, prepare an Appreciation Session with your client.
These are the 6 things that you can discuss with your client during your Appreciation Session.
The reason why your client started coming to therapy in the first place
One aspect of each other that benefits the therapeutic experience
One obstacle you have each overcome in sessions
One treatment goal that your client has shown progress on
Something that your client feels has not been discussed in therapy
Re-evaluate your relationship and discuss how you can contribute to building bridges and knocking down the walls.
Your Hustler,
DM
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