Happy Hump Day to our wonderful readers. Karina here. Today I'm introducing you to my Brene Brown obsession. My woman crush is not a singer or a Victoria's Secret model. My woman crush is the fabulous, shame and vulnerability guru, Brene Brown. I will reference her work often... until you're sick of hearing her name. But a couple of years from now you'll catch yourself having a self-love moment and, suddenly, the dots will connect and you'll realize you have been sucked into the love affair too! At which point I will welcome you to the club with open arms (don't be afraid, we have t shirts).
On a more serious note though, Brene Brown has changed my life. As a human, as a partner, sister, daughter, friend, and as a social worker. In the true spirit of Brene, I will be as raw and vulnerable as I can be with y'all. My relationship with myself has not exactly been rainbows and butterflies, neither in childhood nor adulthood. I have always been a compassionate human, but could never quite figure out how to show myself love and compassion. Years of putting my mental health and self-acceptance on the back burner made me a hardened woman. I buried myself in the fast life, going to grad school full time, doing an internship, working full time, etc. My career would be my escape from having to deal with my own sh*t. I decided to start seeing a therapist in the thick of all the stress just to learn to cope with the anxiety I was facing. My M.O. was straight forward- reduce my anxiety with regard to work and school. I'm not getting into any of this childhood or family crap or any mushy, feely stuff. My therapist, bless her heart, tried to accommodate my wishes but she'd often throw the "self-compassion," "self-love" curve ball at me. I would brush it off like a piece of lint on my shoulder. But listening to two years of that stuff wears on you. I realized at some point in the last year that it had infiltrated my mind and I was really starting to have self-compassion.
There were moments where I caught myself not having only more compassion for myself, but more compassion for others. The two must be related, I thought.
Enter stage left Brene Brown.
I've known of Brene Brown for a while. At my first mental-health-related job we had a group called "Shame and Resilience" that was based on her research. I never paid it much attention because there was something really unappealing about diving into my own shame. But a few years later, as I realized I had come down with this self-compassion bug, I began reading about her work and listening to her talks. While there was a bunch of life-altering information that I absorbed, here is what really impacted me as a professional:
1. First and most importantly- We can't practice compassion with other people (effectively) if we can't be compassionate with ourselves. Read that again.
2. Until we can receive with an open heart (many of us as mental health professionals don't know much about receiving, only giving), we are never really giving with an open heart. We attach our own judgments, knowingly or unknowingly, to receiving AND giving help (this is the part that will impact our practice).
3. Lack of self-compassion inevitably leads to judgment. Judgment of ourselves and of others.
Are you staying with me? Have you noticed that on your bad days, the days that you're frustrated with yourself, that it's much more difficult to be kind and compassionate towards others? What would it look like if on those bad days, you engaged in positive self-talk and self-compassion? The truth is, it's contagious and doing this will allow you to be genuinely compassionate towards your clients. For those of us (myself included) that have a difficult time finding motivation within ourselves for self-improvement, the concept that having self-compassion will have a secondhand impact on our clients is a big motivator.
So without going off into a Brene Brown tangent, start working on that self-compassion. It's work that takes time, but you will reap the benefits down the line when you pause for a moment and realize you've joined the club. It will seep into your practice, your relationships, and your worldview. It will help you through the dark times, when you take home the weight of your clients' trauma. It will be useful on the days when you desperately want to "fix" your clients' circumstances and simply can't. It will make you a better professional and a more authentic healer.
Love to all the hustlers!
Your hustler,
Karina G.
Don't know where to start? Message us if you have any questions about self-compassion!
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