When your client asks: “Can I add you on social media?”

What to do when your client asks: “Can I add you on social media?”

More often than not, this question translates into a "friendly" electronic request via #Facebook, #Instagram, #Twitter, [you name it]. In those instances, leaving the request as pending or rejecting might feel like a safe approach to take. But as a therapist, you always have to look for “Therapeutic Opportunities”. In this case, your client (indirectly) invited you to have a conversation about your (therapeutic) relationship with them.

Note: if your client asks you directly during a session, you can still use this approach

NOW WHAT?

I recommend that you bring up this topic in session. Trust me, it will be interesting and beneficial for both of you.

FOR YOU

• It is a fitting opportunity to practice being open and direct with your client.

• It will help you practice BOUNDARIES with clients.

• It will teach you something new about yourself (e.g. the importance of keeping professional life separate from personal life) and your client (e.g. how they react during uncomfortable [healthy] confrontations)

• It will provide an opportunity to assess transference/countertransference

• It will get you closer to your client (even if the conversation does not “feel” positive in the moment, once the client is able to sleep on it, the relationship will naturally get stronger).

FOR YOUR CLIENT

• It will challenge them to respect BOUNDARIES and be okay with a NO (without any bitterness or resentment)

• It will allow them to deal with potential negative feelings (from rejection) during a therapy session

• It will clarify doubts and improve their insight about the type of relationship you both have.

HERE ARE SOME IDEAS ON HOW TO APPROACH THIS CONVERSATION:

“So...I received your friend request on [Facebook/Instagram/twitter…]”. Note: Make sure that you use a natural and relaxed demeanor and tone of voice & give them a chance to comment back on this statement.

Explain to them, that although you appreciate their curiosity about your life, you must keep boundaries between your professional and personal life. You can emphasize that besides this being a personal decision, it is also a rule you must follow due to ethics in your profession.

Clarify what a therapeutic relationship means. Remind your client that your main responsibility is to act as a trusting and non-judgmental source for them to feel heard, understood, and safe to share about their life. Tell them, that the individual sessions are about them and their treatment goals, and you would like to honor that.

If you feel confident enough to take the session to a deeper level, you can assess for transference. For example, you can ask, “What do you think motivated your curiosity to follow me on social media?”, “Is there anything, in particular, you would like to know about me? if yes, why so?” “I understand that me declining your friend request, might feel like rejection to you, how do you think that would affect how you see our relationship moving on.”

If you would like to have a more of an open/casual session, you can simply find out whether there is any curiosity from your client that might be appropriate for you to answer without compromising your ethical values.

Create closure. Tell your client that as per your discussion, you would follow up with your word and decline the request; however, you are glad you had this conversation with them, as you are certain it will create a stronger therapeutic bond between you both. Finally, express that you are proud of them for being able to [add an accomplishment from this session; e.g. handling the situation without bitterness, being able to respect boundaries, listening to your concerns, participating with honesty in this session].

WHAT NOT TO DO:

• Share your feeling/strong emotions regarding how you feel about the situation (e.g. It feels weird/uncomfortable/inappropriate that you solicited me on social media. Note: Remember the sessions are about your client not you.)

• Give your client directives of what to do next (e.g. “please, do not do it again)

• Ignore it / Avoid it / Reject the request and move on.

• Fail to debrief the situation.

• Ignore transference/countertransference factors that might come up from this event.

• Assess for transference if you do not have a strong & intimate relationship with your client or if you are not ready to take in what might come up in the session.

• Approach this conversation with a tense, insecure, or scared demeanor.

F r i e n d l y R e m i n d e r

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR SESSIONS & YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CLIENT.

Your hustler,

Daniela M.

LMHC